My Past

A race against the many demons that hold me back
Chained to my legs, and on my back tightly strapped
A marathon of what I have tried to defeat
Interacting continuously with deceit
How can I long for what I have never seen?
Who can ever want something so unclean?
Fully disarmed, fully unloaded
Stale, pale and eroded
Feasting on the maggots that crowd cumbersome limbs
Inviting their brotherly kin
With a past like mine, how can I surely begin?

Haunted by secrets as white as snow
Fully out in the open to shine and glow
But I try to cover them up so people may not know
The screams are too loud, but to humanity they remain mute
Emotions like guns; words, bullets they shoot
Tongue like venom, but only poisoning my soul
How can I forgive myself and choose to let go?
Snakes like leeches to my spirit
None come too close because they fear it
I am like leprosy from the inside out
Striving for the grace of denial I cannot live without

Tears like vinegar on a gash
The debt of my past spreading like an incurable rash
The streets call out my name
The world takes my being in vain
The people stop to stare
And shout to the rest to beware
The Richter scale breaks from the trembles of my devils
My suffering, they use to revel
As the many particles of hope releases
Biting down on my tongue as the pain increases
I grind my teeth as my bones crush into a million pieces

Hell opens up to swallow, while Heaven puts up a fight
I lay there helpless, because I have no strength to fight
Human eyes turn away so I am not within sight
No one wants to save a lost cause
They must carry on with their lives, no need for a pause
My morals burst
As my tongue begins to curse
My hands can no longer lift
Nor produce the heavenly gift
Of golden words and hopes for tomorrow
I have decided to drown in sorrow

To be continued…