As I Lay Myself To Sleep

Now I lay myself to sleep
While I painfully weep
My thoughts are cluttered,
No room to count sheep

I pray to God my soul to keep
Emotions run wild and swim deep
Mascara drips blackness tears begin to seep

And if I die before I wake
I’ll know that I was never fake
I loved all; even those who did be wrong
I sit here and cry as my soul and heart aches

I pray to God my soul to take
To bring the calm to the storm because my body shakes
Lift me beyond the clouds, I ask for heaven’s sake

To You From Me

I sit here and reminisce of all the tears I’ve made shed
My depression so deep I wish I could just drop dead
Baby I never meant to hurt you, that is not what I intended to do
So now I sit in this lonely somber room crying for you
Wish I could hold you in my arms because my apology is not enough
Wish I could pave this road smooth because it might be rough
I wish that I could take back the things that I have done
Love you with all my might until we become one
I wish I could give you everything you need, but baby what can I give?
I give my sincere love; my mistakes I hope you can forgive
I know what I did was betrayal, I know you hurt deep within
The regret flows deep in my veins and crawls deep within my skin
I try to break free from this beast that is trying to destroy who I truly am
I sit here breathless, don’t know what else to say but damn
I messed up; I dug myself deeper into a hole
But my love for you will not allow me to let you go
There have been difficult times, but who said love was light
I hold you and this love with all my might
When you fall I will pick you up and hold you up high
When you cry I will be there to wipe the tears from your eyes
I was thoughtless, baby please forgive me
Do not lock your heart; I want to possess the key
I know this will move you a few steps back
But understanding is what I lack

I want to understand you; I don’t want to hurt you
I promise to be more aware of the things I do
With every unspoken word, I grow weak
So baby I understand if you do not want to speak
Just know that I love you

Let the morning’s light greet you with grace
Let the rays warm your beautiful face
Let the clouds anoint you and console
Let Mother Nature reach deep into your soul
Let the green show you its pigment of glee
And hold this poem close to your body, as if it were me
Let each word be pronounced in depth
Let each rhyme take away your breath
Hold each syllable in the tip of your mouth
Devour it all don’t permit even a drop to pour out
Let the temple gently kiss your mind
Make love to every poetic line
Don’t feast on only one, but more and more
As they passionately settle in the depths of your core

My Faith lies in you Lord

Stuck in a box, looking through the glass
Future looks blurry, I gaze at the past
It’s easy to go back because I don’t know what the future holds
But Lord, give me strength so that I may be bold
Grab my hand and lead me down your path
Comfort me with your love; don’t crush me with your wrath

I Wanna...

I wanna dive deep into your body and swim through your splendor
I wanna swim in your profound thoughts even the ones that are tender
I wanna walk up and down your body and uncover treasures
I wanna love you without measures
I wanna stroll up your legs past your knees
Give you my love so good and the pain appease
I wanna know you from the inside out
Fulfill those deep desires that shout
I wanna hold you so tight until we become one
And when I start I won’t be done
Cuz with you, life goes on and on there is no stop
I put you on my shoulders and we’ll rise to the top
I wanna walk past your knees and rest on your belly
Baby I can do all this if you just let me
I wanna caress every beauty mark
Kiss you and capture every spark
I wanna make my way up to your chest
Stare at your face because I’m so impressed
I wanna climb up your chin and taste your lips
That takes me on a trip
I exceed heaven and fall into your eyes
Gripping on your thighs
While you caress my back
Your kisses are my deserts; my snacks
And I’m so glad you took me back
I was empty without you
Baby I was a fool
My nights felt lonelier and forsaken
I thought leaving was what I had to do but I was mistaken
I drowned in misery and in dread
Drowned myself in my tears in my bed
Love music choked me and without you I could not breathe
I was such a fool for thinking I would do best if I leave
My hands were depressed
I could not find rest
My heart could not beat
Cuz without you I’m incomplete
I could not live without your love; without your romance
Thank you for giving me another chance
I grab your hand, stand on the stars and ask for this dance
Bring your body close to mine
I’m ready to make you feel real fine
Just close your eyes and let me do what I do best
Lay down and rest
Cuz you’re about to be undressed
I’ll uncover your beauty just say yes
Close your eyes and let me take control
I’ll go easy baby I’ll go slow
I’ll make your body feel real nice
Cuz this love we share has no price
This love cannot be bought
And our desires will be sought
Fulfilled and satisfied
Just lay back and enjoy this ride
Let me touch you all over; I don’t wanna miss a spot
Baby my desire is not just a small feeling; it’s a lot
Let me kiss every inch of your body and make you moan
Let me reside in you and make a home
No need to fear cuz I won’t do you wrong
But I gotta take my time and make this night long
I wanna make you feel your best
Lay kisses all over your chest
Breathe in your breath
Put those insecurities to death
I wanna take my time and reach ecstasy
I’ll give up anything for you to be next to me

Untitled Poem

I lick my lips; I taste your sweet lips
The taste that takes me on a trip
The saccharine taste that sinks deep into my tongue
Your breath that respires ecstasy into my lungs
The softness of your lips like an aphrodisiac
That keeps me coming back
Your juiciness has me addicted like a fanatic
The flavor of your tongue makes me ecstatic
My lips can’t seem to survive without your taste
Or looking at your gorgeous face
My hands have been withdrawn and left to weep
The pain has resided awfully deep
I lie in bed and try to imagine you there
Holding me as I run my fingers through your hair
My lips tasting your skin
As we both sink deep within
Sinking into each other and becoming one whole
Holding you so tightly to never let you go
I try to imagine us being the way we were
Even if I tried to forget you, these feelings start to stir
A commotion builds up and a storm is created
My mistake of letting you go makes me so frustrated
You have a heart to protect because I might fall off track
There’s nothing I can do because you won’t take me back

He Found Me

I did not find Poetry
He found my hands
I did not ask to be his woman
He asked to be my man

I blessed him with verses
He blessed me with rhymes
I controlled the temple
He gave me more lines

I divided them into stanzas
He donated terms
A page was impregnated
By his poetic sperm

Birthing poems
And I to deliver
He was the voice
That made the readers quiver

He gave me my ring
For a life time to bind
He sat at my fingertips
He sat in my mind
I did not find poetry
He found me
I did not ask to be saved
He set me free

He grasped my hand
Clutching to forever control
Interlaced in love
That will forever grow

Poetry found my hands
And I his depth
He snatched my heart
And stole my breath

My Jami and her OCD

I was looking for Jami because she likes to be Miss little independent and wonder in the stores and I found her in the shoe aisle organizing the shoes. I had to record it and laugh like crazy because she reminds me of myself. I tend to organize things because I think I have some OCD problems but I wouldn't consider it a problem I love being organized. My scheduling and life could use more organizing...lol

My Nichi

My Brother Luis:

I truly and absolutely love my brother Luis with all my heart. He is an amazing person and I am who I am today because of him. He has taught me how to fight, appreciate art, love and fear God, survive in life, etc. He has taught me so much about people and about myself and the world. He is an artist and a poet. His art work is amazing and is poetry is heart felt. He has written four books about a wolf character named Night Wolf. It's a real good book and I hope one day people will be privileged to read it the way I have been. He's my inspiration to be successful and defeat the poverty curse.

An Intro To My Life:

My name is Felicita Angelica Pedroza (Soto by my mother). I got my name from my great great abuela Felicita who was an amazing angel. I was born in New Haven Ct and raised throughout the inner cities of CT including living in Rochester New York for some time. I have two older brothers, Angel and Luis and an older sister, Maria. My mother was a single mother until we were taken away by DCF (Department of Children and Families). I have been in the system since I was born and in foster care since the age of eight. I am a transfer student from High Point University in North Carolina and would rather not count Sacred Heart in Ct because I was only there for a week before I dropped out...lol. I grew up in the Pentecostal church but have gone on a different path. I still believe there is a higher being such as God and try my best to be a Christian. I love Poetry with all my heart. Poetry is my second love and God my first. I want to be a social worker and help the homeless, addicts, and troubled youth. I have a passion for motivating people because I know what the oppressed are capable of if they dig deep into their depths. I've lived in a lot of "ghetto" neighborhoods and some time in the suburbs. I think I know how to survive in both...lol. I rep Hill Side hard core but I think I rep Poetry even more. I look up to my second oldest brother Luis who's an amazing poet and artist. I love my family with all my heart despite all that they have put me through and continue to put me through. I have two beautiful nieces who have stolen my heart, especially my younger niece Neishaliz who is also my goddaughter. I love music so much. I love to dance but I just love blasting the music real loud. I love everything from gangsta rap like Tupac to country like Reba. I am a real honest person and I speak my mind a lot, maybe too much. I have been teaching myself how to tame my tongue because I rather not get into trouble. I love meeting new people. I just love being at a random place and meeting a stranger and building something so strong that could possibly last a long time. I like children but I rather be surrounded by youth. I love babies. I can't change diapers but I love to observe them and I love when they laugh and smile. I can't stand a crying baby because it shatters my heart into a million pieces. I love the laughter of children. My biggest dreams is basically to become a known poet. I don't need the money and the fame I just want to be known and appreciated for my true deep words. I go to Messiah College and although I had two bad semesters, I have met the most amazing people ever. I love the people there because their hearts are so pure and God loving. I have a lot of best friends because I tend to call a lot of people my best friends. I just love having great friends to love and love me back. I love the beach but I can't stand the sand in my nails and I hate the beaches in CT. I love going to the beach at night and I can't swim that great...lol. I love to rap and write poetry. I love singing but I'm not good at it. I love acting and acting a fool. I love to make people laugh and cheer them up. I used to love going to church but church at Messiah is not what I would want to spend a couple hours at so therefore I'm on chapel probation..hahha. There's a lot to write about myself and my experience growing up. I've been through a lot and I think that my story will reach someone and change their life the way it changed mine.

Life Doesn’t Care

It seems so crazy how life can just give us breath than take it away
We wake up to breath air, and then we’re gone the next day
I try to be friends with life; maybe he’ll give me a chance
I try to cheat in life, see if I can take a glance
I am blinded by false dreams and misfits
I try so hard but sometimes I am inclined to quit

It hurts when you’ve lived a broken dream for so long
You look for new strength but there is no way to be strong
Even Moses had his problems but God was always there
I find myself in a desert; why is he not here?

Everyone wants to say they are there for you, but it’s all false
You gain without them; who cares if you lose it; it’s your loss
I like to sit back and maybe wish, knowing it to never come true
Hope that life can take me away from the grim and dew
But who knew

Life doesn’t give a fuck about you; it’s a win or lose
In this life we get used and abused
Trust no one; bend over so they can kiss your rare
Always know that life is not your friend
He doesn’t fucking care

The Last Breath may actually be your first:

Just when you think you want to give up and take the easy way out, angels come to your rescue. Just when you feel that you are ready to take your last breath, little do you know that may be your first breath to a new start, a new day, a new chance to take what you have in your possession and run with it and make the best of it. Life is more complicated than a maze a puzzle or even more difficult than understanding the Bible. Life is like a game. We are all in this but with a different motive and we all have different powers. Some have the power to reach the poor, some have powers to make the weak strong with just a couple of words and others have the power of laughter. We are all in this game and there is only two ways out. First, God gives and he can take away. One way to get out of this game is a free ticket to heaven if there is a heaven, but if the ticket is to a place where there is only the absence of God then how well did that person play his/her game? The second way is suicide. God has given us free choice. We are free to choose whatever we can on this earth. We can choose to serve him, we can choose to not. We can choose to die because we are able to take our own lives away in just a couple seconds. The game is not comprehendible. The game is not for us to figure out at all. The game is for us to survive. It’s for us to gain points by all the good we do and never to surrender. Our purpose is easy. We live to praise the master. We are not our own but slaves to his majesty; slaves in the most beautiful and liberating way. I know that sounds a bit crazy but think about it. Speaking in harsh Pentecostal terms (with no offense to anyone who is of the Pentecostal church or belief), we surrender all our wants that are not his and we fully serve him the way we are suppose to in order to gain the riches of heaven and eternal happiness. If we choose not to then we are condemned to hell to suffer for eternity. So the game is more complicated than just figuring out our purpose that God has for us. The purpose is simpler than we make it to be. The bible states that we are to live the way Jesus lived and to seek perfection. That’s our purpose and this life is more than a game it’s a test every second. The mighty man is sitting at his throne watching us and he makes his moves when he wants to. We’re a show for him with all due respect to the man up there. He’s a smart man and he knows that the only purpose is to fulfill his will and his will is basically to receive praise from all of humanity.
I know I’m all over the place but these are just my thoughts for the day. Before you ever think life is too hard to continue just know that every second and every day is worth it even if it’s the most horrible day, night or life. We choose our actions. If we suffer from what we have chosen then there is no reason to blame anyone else. God has done nothing but watch us and over us. He is not to blame.
Just when you think you want to take your last breath, it’s worth that last breath to become your first because just when you’re ready to part from this earth your whole life flashes before you and all those you love and loved voices clog up your ears and their faces fill our memory. There is nothing more beautiful than having your life reflect in front of your eyes because all the good flashes and all the bad disappears (at least that is for some, maybe not for all).
That last breath can be a start to a new chance to correct all the wrong that was done. So take that last breath and make it your first to a new beginning.

Why Do We Hurt Those We Love?

I could never fully understand why we hurt those we love. What occurs within ourselves that allows us to hurt those we truly love? I have been one to hurt those I truly love and I have recently hurt the person I adore and love the most. I have no excuses and I don’t know what had the power to possess me and allow me to do something so evil that affected not only myself but the person I love. I have regretted so much in my life. I have done so many things I told myself as a child I would never do and today I reflect upon my life and I regret doing all that I thought I could avoid doing. I have consumed alcohol under the legal age, smoked marijuana, stolen, lied, vandalized property, smoked cigarettes under the legal age, fornicated, made fun of people, bullied children, cheated, etc…but one thing I ask for is forgiveness to all those I have hurt or deceived.
I have no excuse for the wrongs I have done or ways to make it better but to not repeat it again. I have contacted the people that I felt needed apologies from me and I will continue to apologize no matter how big or how small my sin was towards them. I thought that at this point in my life I would have figured it all out and I would have grown from the sorrowful past that haunts me, but truth is I have slipped and fallen on my face. At this point in my life I am more lost than I have ever been. I am not happy with the person that I am and I am not happy with where my life is at this point.
I want to humble myself at the feet of Jesus and surrender to God and all those I loved and continue to love to apologize for any wrong that I have done.
I want to greatly apologize to that one person I hurt the most. Know that I love you so much and I will never do anything so evil and selfish to hurt you, myself or what we have or had ever again.

Visit with Leah

I can truly say that God has blessed me with some of the most amazing angels that have taken a trip to earth. I have met amazing people at Messiah College. I never thought that in my whole entire life I would meet these angels and be at a state of bliss with these friends. One of the most amazing people that I would name now is Leah Deputy. A lot of people probably don’t know her as well as I do and I would recommend for people to take the opportunity to get to know her. She has been a faithful and loyal friend to me through the roughest times in my life to the calmest. She has been one of the greatest supports and motivations in my life as well. Leah is one of my best friends and I definitely know that we will be friends until death separates us. But until that day comes I will enjoy her and live it up with her.
This past semester Leah was studying in Philly so she and I made sure that we kept in contact and we visited each other. First of all, who wouldn’t go to Philly especially is Leah is there?...lol. And second, who wouldn’t visit me?!..jk…lol.
In June Leah came up to see me in Harrisburg and we had an amazing time. I am new to Harrisburg to we spent most of the time in downtown by where I live and we went on a bike ride down to Italian Lake, which is now one of my favorite parks. It’s so beautiful, filled with trimmed bushes, lily pads, water, flowers, etc.

Magazine Model

I wrote this poem about four years ago when I was in Broken Bridge Writing Workshop. This is for all the women who are not "models" but are beautiful no matter what.


Magazine Model

Am I suppose to look like that
Model on the front page of a magazine
Where every bone on her body is seen
Thin lips
No hips
Skinny as a tooth pick
What is her trick?

Salad, then vomit what she ate
This peer pressure I hate
Having to count calories and fat
How can a teen live like that

I’m supposed to walk around
with my breasts as big as melons
But instead they look like lemons
Every bone on my body is suppose to show
In order for me to glow
My thighs are suppose to be as thick as my thumb
I can only fit in crumbs
Or nibble on crackers
Every time I see that Parris Hilton
I want to smack her

“My love handles are out of control
I’m not beautiful cause I have rolls”
Saying it’s disgusting to have a big rare
The perfect model is a size zero and blond hair

When I am served a plate of rice
I gotta count every grain
I rather be fat then have no brain
This world makes me sick
Saying I ain’t good enough cause I’m thick
Men love my rare and my curves
So don’t be checking me out so soon
Only if you’re the mirror in my room

Spanish Rap

extrano mi gente,
mis lagrimas como un fuente.
extrano mi estado,
la presencia de mi barrio a mi lado.
extrano los culpables y los inocentes,
extrano mi gente
el coqui me llama
el deseo quemando como llamas
en mi alma siento mi isla
no soy la misma
extrano lo que no entiendo
veo mi gente en mis suenos
siento el sol en mi piel
a mi sangre yo soy fiel
mi bandera me cubre como mi ropa
vengo con mi pasion en tropa

Love Letter

Your voice plays over and over in my brain
I’ll make a song out of your name
Art is created from the beauty in your face
I hold you close to my heart; no one can take your place
I’ll take the colors in your eyes
To brighten up the sky
I’ll take the flush in your face
To fill the earth with your grace
I’ll use your hair to hold my world together
You’re strength to make my burden as light as a feather
I’ll use your curls to pull each other close
The strands as strings to a violin to compose
Compose a piece no ear has ever perceived
But to the deepest pain, it’ll relieve
I’ll take the juice in your lips because my depth thirsts
It’ll cleanse me from this lonely curse
Because loving you could never move to worse
But only to something much more better
And this is why I’m writing you this love letter
I’ll take the flavor in your mouth to make a tune
And I’ll dance to it the whole afternoon
I’ll take the rhythm to create a culture that will last and unite
I’ll take the fury in your core to ignite
Something that can reach to whole different height
And with your justice I’ll make everything right
I’ll take the length of your body to stand tall
And by your beauty they’d all be enthralled
I’ll take the contour of your beast to nature a better world
Borrow your inner peace to have my love unfurl
I’ll take the sweetness of your chest
To give life to my zest
I’ll hold your hands and let it mold
Creating all things in gold
Your lashes to produce an elegance of truth
That will be carried throughout your youth
And never to be erased when you are of age
Because with your knowledge you nourish a person of sage
I write this love letter with the hands that want to pull you near
The heart that loves you dear
The lips that are intrigued by your taste
And the eyes that is lost in your face
So let me take you and craft something remotely new
Because I can create wonders with you

Fighting For Love

They run with massive shields protecting their hearts,
Thinking of all people, I will tear it apart
I am a strong lover, I never only give bits
I fight until the end, I never call quits

They run with shielded hearts,
Thinking that I will rip them apart
My heart is exposed, vulnerable to harm
I only show gratitude and charm

They cover their lips, and mute their affection,
Not knowing they run in the wrong direction
I welcome them in my steadfast arms
Promises to forever keep them from harm

They abandon all love and slaughter care
Drowned with confusion and fear
I hold out my arms but they deny the invite
I stand firm on my love and don’t give up the fight

A Poem from Samanta Halabi (habibi)

You helped me laugh, you dried my tears
because of you, I have no fears
together we live, together we grow
teaching each other what we must know
you came in my life, and I was blessed
I love you girl, you are the best
take my hand, don't say good-bye
please my friend don't you cry
I promise you this, it's not the end
cause like I said you're my best friend
We laugh alot because you're fun
When you smile at me its like the sun
You light up the room when you walk in
I hope we stay friends til death
I'll keep you by my side til my last breath
because you're the kind of friend
with whom my life i'd like to spend
.....................................................................................
This poem made my day as bright as her smile. :-D

Let Me (Poem)

Let Me

I want to blast the resonance of your voice to dance on your lips
I want to jump on your breast and glide down to your hips
Let me unwind on your cheeks and leap over your pores
Let me dwell deep within your heart’s core

I want to bathe in the flush of your cheeks
I want to be your valor when you feel weak
Let me roll around on your tongue
Let me breathe my passion into your lungs

I want to climb up your spine
I want to leave traces of kisses behind
Let me taste your neck and collarbone
Let me transport you into what I call home

I want to experience the tenderness of your skin
I want to rest on your mind and sink in
Let me hold your body and feel every part
Let me reside deep in your heart

I want to stroll up your extended sleek legs
I want to give you all. You won’t have to beg
Let me savor your wholesome thighs
Let me inhale you until I’m at my high

I want to stroke every wisp of hair
I want to hoard every moment we share
Let me prove my affections through physical contact
Let’s get intimate; who knows, you might like that

R.I.P Michael Jackson the King of Pop

Today wasn't the best day ever. I had a rough morning so I decide to wax my caterpillar eyebrows and check out another book from the library then head to front st to read and talk on the phone and try to avoid the creepy men as best as I could...lol

6:25pm
I get a text from my friend Molly: Michael Jackson is dead!!!"
Are you kidding me?!?!?!...
Michael the King of Pop cannot be dead. I grew up on Michael, his songs and dances. I remember trying over and over to do the moon walk but I got the whole standing on the toe thing. I remember thinking I was cool for knowing the songs and watching his videos and movies over and over. I'm sitting here in front of the TV watching MTV and my fav song You Knock Me Off My Feet is playing.
I never thought I would see the day that Michael Jackson would die. I feel so sad and so shocked. May he rest in peace. Michael was the man on the real. If you ask most R&B singers who they love the most or try to imitate they will most likely say Michael Jackson. Not only was he the King of Pop but of dance. The man had it all. He was just human flesh filled with talent from head to toes. I just don't know what to do with myself because I would never be okay with anyone dying, but Michael was the MAN.
I'm just going to sit here and listen to him sing all day and watch him perform.
:'-(

Boricua

You can tell I'm Boricua by my long, curly, dark hair

When you look into my eyes you see culture in my stare

My tongue taste like adobo my mouth like rice and beans

I am the Taino goddess you have never seen

My hips sway with the Salsa my heart beats with the drum

I'll have you drunk off my love, like dark Bacardi rum

Touch the arch of my back and feel my ancestors load

My kisses are dynamite, to make you explode

The dimple on my cheek is a pool of delight

Touch my feminine arms, feel my culture’s might

My eyes, like the stars that lead the Tianos to shore

My powerful touch any sickness can cure

Taste my thighs; you'll taste my culture’s glory

Grip my palm to read the Tiano story

My steps are so great it cannot be measured

Dig into my Boricua soul, you'll find buried treasure

You'll find abundance in my breech

But no decrepitude in my reach

My tongue utters efficacious words

So meaningful, so smooth just like my curves

You can tell I'm Boricua by the beauty in each strand of hair

Look into my eyes; find the culture in my stare.

1st Day

Hey everyone, my name is Felicita Pedroza but I like to be called Lissy (Lee-C). I got my name from my great great grandmother who was Puerto Rican and Spaniard. I am a sophomore at Messiah College in PA. I am origianlly from CT. Born and raised in New Haven and moved around a lot as a child because I am a foster child but currently independent. I am the youngest of four. I love my family, although they can drive me crazy...lol. I am a loyal friend and I love meeting new people. I love having a good time and making the best of every moment. I love poetry and other forms of art. I've been writing since about the age of 10.

I've always wanted to create a blog but I never really got around to making one so I decided to make it and I hope everyone will enjoy. :-)